Jul 30 2010
Unfocused
Focus is a big thing for me. I’ve always felt a bit special because I could do things with full concentration. If I watch a movie I’ll probably be intensely concentrating on it, even if it’s bad. And if I’m reading a book, I’m gone to the world. You’ll have to call me multiple times and shove me too for me to acknowledge your existence.
But recently, I’ve been unable to focus properly. I even had a whole hour when I just sat and stared at trees. Not because I was enjoying the scenery (which I do once in a while), but simply because for the life of me I couldn’t decide what to do next!
I’m one of those people who firmly believe that you should plan out your life, especially the big things. The little things sometimes aren’t worth bothering about. If things don’t flow according to plan, then it’s not your fault, but you still need to plan anyway.
So when I feel unfocused like that, it feels to me like I’m floating with nothing to hold on to. I don’t like it. I don’t like not knowing what to do next and not feeling sure of my life. It’s a bit alien to me.
It’s not like I’ve always planned every second of my life. Most of the time I don’t know what the best thing to do is. But I promised myself a long time ago that I’d try to live a life without regrets. So I thought a long long time before deciding on a few principles that I would always hold firm to. As long as I stuck to those, I could never regret whatever I did.
Yes, quite a few of those principles are based on religion. Quite a few more are based on family bonds. And the rest are pretty much based on common sense. And so far I haven’t yet regretted any decision I made using them. The very few that I do regret are all the times I forgot my principles.
But right now I’m in a quandary (always wanted to use that word!). Because sticking to my principles still leaves me more than one option.
So should it be another of those times when I just randomly pick? I’m pretty sure I won’t regret it, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a best choice here.
It needs more research, more questions. But I don’t know who to ask. Why can’t life be like a game, where you can google strategy guides?
No related posts.
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Jul 31, 2010 @ 08:21:42
ask me! ask me!
Aug 06, 2010 @ 20:42:08
Ok! I'll email you later!
Jul 31, 2010 @ 17:03:04
I was going to leave the first comment here yesterday, then I changed my mind.
Now someone has beaten my to it. Ceh.
Tapi takpe. I make way for your kakak.
But here it is, my comment as the 2nd comment:
Please read Letters to a Young Poet:
http://www.sfgoth.com/~immanis/rilke/letter7.html
(especially letter 7 because it applies best to our young and malcontent hearts.)
Aug 06, 2010 @ 20:48:13
This is the book you were reading last time right? I read through it and parts are interesting but mine isn't really a matter of the heart so the message doesn't really hit home.
It's very interesting though, her outlook on how young hearts must gather themselves first, because a union of two people where both are still in pieces would only result in a mess of pieces thrown together.
I've never thought of it that way and she paints such a vivid picture of it.
It does however, help remind me that I have to find myself first, and know what I want.
Aug 07, 2010 @ 05:45:44
hehe. Rainer Maria Rilke is a man.
Aug 08, 2010 @ 03:59:07
What?! But maria is a gal's name! Humph. It's not my fault.